I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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