i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
