I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
