he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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