She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He has the fingertips of a God
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