I could have mohawked her pubes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
