it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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