if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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