after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am available for nakedness
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
