she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
