your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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