My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
