I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
