ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
