He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
