4 words: hood of his car
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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