dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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