could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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