Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
