I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
