whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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