So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
