It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Watching her eat just hurts me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
