I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
