Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Shame - the story of my life.
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