last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
