I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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