my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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