Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
