someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
