covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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