I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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