Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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