I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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