i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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