it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
NoShamevember. You game?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize