if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
