I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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