I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
