Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
