Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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