do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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