I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
