i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize