I think I won the penis lottery.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
