anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize