So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
