Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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