Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
