it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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