That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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