Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
