The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
