Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
