Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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