Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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