Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
