Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
