for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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