Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
