Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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