If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
