How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
