3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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