mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
