During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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