I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
