im six kinds of drunk right now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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