I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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