I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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