I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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