Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
