Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
