you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
