i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
