You made me cry and you don't even care
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
