Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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