Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
