I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
