when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
