I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
