I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
only if we run a train.
done.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
