Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
