this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize