he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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