Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
