btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
