I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
please don't ironically join a cult
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