i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
