And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
