you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
