Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
