life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
two words...techno handjob
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
