Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
