I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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