Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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