Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
