i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize