Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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