I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
