Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
