You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
