2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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