My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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