She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
