if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am mentally ready for anal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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