I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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