All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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