I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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