i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
