i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
