You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
